When I was
first diagnosed it was this far away, abstract thing- “Macular Degeneration”, “Clinical
Blindness”. I could still see with very minimal
impairment to my daily life, none of which was obvious to me or anyone else; and I always said “people
beat incurable conditions all the time.”. I hadn't really felt the affects of it, it wasn't real to me, just this thing floating around out "there" somewhere in the far and distant future. Well...6 years later - and it's all a bit too real. I am 33 years old, and
my ability to read is consistently, and persistently, fading. Even as I sit here typing this, with my font
on 14, I can only just barely make out what it is that I am typing, and am forced to lean
in disturbingly close to my computer screen in order to read the words I am attempting to hammer out….
In my family reading is what we do, it is a big part of who we are. It is a huge piece of my self-identity,
and I live in a house crammed full of bookshelves teaming with pages that sometimes seem to taunt me. Books,
once friends, whose pages I loved so much, are strangers to me now. It makes
me terribly sad, and I wish it didn’t, (I resent this stupid thing (MD) influencing
on my emotions, but it is what it is I suppose.). Rows upon rows of books. Favorites and unopened treasures. All of them
just sitting there, staring at me, calling out to me to pick them up and read them once again. Occasionally I pick one up and open it. The scent of the page takes me back to B.M.D. (Before Macular Degeneration) and the smell makes me both smile and clench my teeth in frustration. Sometimes I find it a comfort to have
them, knowing that once upon a time I was able to turn their pages and become lost in
their magic. Other times it frustrates me to no end. I occasionally wonder if I should just give them all away, donate them to some charitable cause... But how do you give away a friend you have such love for? I can't seem to do it, so here they stay, and we just spend our time together staring at one another...And while I am unable to read the pages of an actual book, technology has stepped in and saved the day! E-readers, specifically my Kindle PaperWhite is my second most treasured item, and has returned to me my ability to read. It allows me to set both the font and contrast to what suits me best, and it's back-lit screen saves me from having to camp out under two lights in order to read.
Reading is more than
just a love, it is a way of life for us all: work documents, restaurant menus,
streets signs, social media, instruction handbooks; I could go on and on.Reading is everywhere, it's in everything. And when you can't do it well, what do you do? Well for one thing you get creative! Technology, as I said before, is a lifesaver and that little camera built into my iPhone is my best friend. Snap a picture, zoom in, and viola! And the GPS I can plug into my car speakers so I don't have to worry about reading the street signs to know where I am going? Well, it's my other best friend! LOL But there are still challenges to be met and overcome.
Restaurant menus are a particular sore spot for me. Often small font in a glossy cover in a dimly lit restaurant. Basically, a triple-threat recipe for disaster. If I am lucky enough to be with a companion I love and trust I will push the menu aside, smile at them grandly, and tell them to “fire away” implying that they should read the menu to me, and they do so quite lovingly. This can actually be quit a bonus, as it tends to keep me away from calorically damaging menu items LOL (as there is no more eating "with my eyes" (though my improved sense of smell can pick up a chocolate croissant 5 miles away LOL). But what if I’m on a date? What then? Sure, I can scope out the menu ahead of time, but what if the location changes? Or the menu is different from the one offered online? What then? I don’t want to sound like the “poor me girl” attempting to draw attraction to herself by drumming up sympathy, but a girls gotta eat! So what then? Well, I handle each situation differently. Sometimes I inform my date that I have poor vision and nicely ask them to tell me what the available vegetarian options are (I tend to avoid this as it often leads to a lot of questions and uncomfortable silences). Other times I excuse myself, go to the bathroom, look up the restaurant at hand on my iPhone, find their menu, take a screen shot picture of the menu, go to my phones picture gallery, open the picture, zoom in on the menu so I can read it, make my selection, and head back to the table. LOL I’ll be honest, the second scenario happens far more often than the first.
Restaurant menus are a particular sore spot for me. Often small font in a glossy cover in a dimly lit restaurant. Basically, a triple-threat recipe for disaster. If I am lucky enough to be with a companion I love and trust I will push the menu aside, smile at them grandly, and tell them to “fire away” implying that they should read the menu to me, and they do so quite lovingly. This can actually be quit a bonus, as it tends to keep me away from calorically damaging menu items LOL (as there is no more eating "with my eyes" (though my improved sense of smell can pick up a chocolate croissant 5 miles away LOL). But what if I’m on a date? What then? Sure, I can scope out the menu ahead of time, but what if the location changes? Or the menu is different from the one offered online? What then? I don’t want to sound like the “poor me girl” attempting to draw attraction to herself by drumming up sympathy, but a girls gotta eat! So what then? Well, I handle each situation differently. Sometimes I inform my date that I have poor vision and nicely ask them to tell me what the available vegetarian options are (I tend to avoid this as it often leads to a lot of questions and uncomfortable silences). Other times I excuse myself, go to the bathroom, look up the restaurant at hand on my iPhone, find their menu, take a screen shot picture of the menu, go to my phones picture gallery, open the picture, zoom in on the menu so I can read it, make my selection, and head back to the table. LOL I’ll be honest, the second scenario happens far more often than the first.
Then there are price tags. Price tags
are a particularly difficult S.O.B.. Small font. Tiny tag. I mean really. How can even an able-visioned person read that crap? I can not even tell you how many emails I have sent to stores, such as Marshall's complaining about the size of the font on the price tag! Utterly ridiculous if you ask me! And the number of times I’ve gotten to
the register thinking I’ve made some awesome score at one of my favorite stores
and discovered that no, in fact, that cute shirt isn’t $9.99 it’s $29.99.
#fail. LOL. I mistake the price on items at least once a week. Okay, who am I kidding. Once a day. Yes, a day. No I don't shop that often but prices are everywhere! LOL I have officially become one of those annoying people at the register
who asks how much all the neatly priced items cost.
What about the trash magazines in the grocery store checkout line we all peruse? (You know you do, don't lie to yourself LOL.) Yeah, well, I can only look at the pictures next to the story of Kim Kardashian, Kanye, and their ridiculously named child….I suppose my inability to read about it is probably for the best, save the damage to my brain cells by taking in such garbage LOL.
And yet, even with my challenges, it could be worse. Truth be told, it will likely get worse. So today, and every day, I will be grateful that I able see the picture of Kim Kardashian and her ridiculously named child (Seriously who names their kid a direction?! "North"? I mean really, how absurd!) I will also be grateful for the sunset I viewed Tuesday, the water I watched roll down my window in today's delicious rainstorm, and the tiny flowers blooming all over my backyard. I will be grateful for it all, every last drop. Because that ticking clock is there, ever present in the back of my mind, reminding me to take it all in, as much as I can.I take not one spec of it for granted – and neither should you.
“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” –Confucius
***Make sure you take time to stop and see the beauty in your life.
What about the trash magazines in the grocery store checkout line we all peruse? (You know you do, don't lie to yourself LOL.) Yeah, well, I can only look at the pictures next to the story of Kim Kardashian, Kanye, and their ridiculously named child….I suppose my inability to read about it is probably for the best, save the damage to my brain cells by taking in such garbage LOL.
And yet, even with my challenges, it could be worse. Truth be told, it will likely get worse. So today, and every day, I will be grateful that I able see the picture of Kim Kardashian and her ridiculously named child (Seriously who names their kid a direction?! "North"? I mean really, how absurd!) I will also be grateful for the sunset I viewed Tuesday, the water I watched roll down my window in today's delicious rainstorm, and the tiny flowers blooming all over my backyard. I will be grateful for it all, every last drop. Because that ticking clock is there, ever present in the back of my mind, reminding me to take it all in, as much as I can.I take not one spec of it for granted – and neither should you.
“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” –Confucius
***Make sure you take time to stop and see the beauty in your life.
Happy
Trails,
Kristin
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